50 First Dates Girl was an inspired idea, or so it felt. I’m one of those women who has devoted her life to her career and always believed, when the time was right, the man of my dreams would come along… hopefully in some “cute-meet” romantic comedy kind of way. What can I say? I wanted a great high-concept love story to share with my friends and family.
Well, it’s been over twenty years since I’ve been of “legal-age” to marry, and so far, HE has not come along. So, a little over a year ago, I decided to treat my desire for “a man to spend the rest of my life with,” the same way I went after my desires in my career. I set a goal (50 dates- hoping I’d meet him well before I’d met my goal) and created this blog to hold me accountable. I knew if I had an audience out there, I would keep going, even when the dating felt unbearable.
This morning, I was doing my morning mediation. I put on Deepak Chopra’s “Inspired Me.” Deepak instructed me, “Think for a moment about something I really wanted to happen, one of those times I was so connected to the outcome and passionate about the goal. Yet every step I took forward I experienced an obstacle, but I pressed on because my desire was so strong, but I just couldn’t shake the struggle.” I thought about a show I produced. Then he asked me to recall a situation in which I had a goal in mind and every action I took toward it was comfortable, effortless, easy, my inspiration was flowing and the doors just opened one after the other. When he finished describing this second situation, I realized that the show I’d produced fell into this second category, what he was looking for in the first was a goal that had not come to fruition easily, and didn’t feel comfortable, fun, inspired, yet it was a desire that I wouldn’t give up on.
I had to start over with a difficult goal. But every project I’ve worked on, every job I’ve had, felt wonderful, even the bumps led to better things, it’s as if a divine intervention was taking place making sure everything worked out. Could my life really be this wonderful? And then a little voice inside me said, “Then why is there still a place of emptiness?” That’s when it hit me like a punch in the gut. The answer to Deepak’s first question was my love life, the answer to his second was my career. So, I began the guided mediation again, using these two answers… and that’s when it go worse.
He then asked, “What was the difference between the two outcomes?” I was forcing the first. He pointed out, that forcing an outcome was like being stuck in traffic and moving from lane to lane, hoping that I’ll somehow get ahead of it. He then said that when we take action that is inspired it’s like driving a car freely on an open highway, effortlessly moving toward our desire. And here’s where it really got upsetting for me…
He said that our bodies give us cues through emotions, when we are forcing something or when we are in alignment with the universe. He continued that it is important that we understand these cues, that they are our road maps. “If it feels right, it is. If it feels uncomfortable in any way, it is.” And then he said it, “Sometimes we override those emotional cues or feelings in our bodies that tell us, we are taking a more difficult route, by forcing an outcome we desire.”
I started to cry. I’ve been on 13 of my 50 dates. Some guys I’ve dated a few times, one I even dated a few months, but the bottom line is: my gut told me I was taking the more difficult route on EVERY one. It’s one thing to feel nervous for a date, the typical “butterflies” that one gets when they are excited by possibility. But this was different. Not one of these dates have felt like I was getting into my car and driving down an open road. No, I was trying to weave in and out of traffic, and a few times I even had a fender bender… and let’s face it, one was a head on collision. But, I wouldn’t give up because I had a goal, and wonderful readers who were supporting me on my journey.
Now, Deepak has knocked the wind out of me and I don’t know what to do. Do I continue dating because if I keep going I could find “the one”? Or, do I just wait until the right one comes along? The former feels like I’m taking action and focusing on my desire. The later seems like falling into my old routine and waiting for something to magically happen, while I go about my life going to yoga, coaching, acting, writing, editing my videos in my “Apple Office.” My mom keeps telling me to wear makeup because I spend so much time working on my projects in the Apple Store that maybe I’ll meet a nice guy there (yes, I have the $99 personal training which allows me to spend hours there working in open training, and getting help from the creatives when I need it). On Friday, one of the Apple employees was surprised by her husband (an ex-Apple employee) who had enlisted and returned home from bootcamp earlier than expected to surprise her. The whole store watched, and teared up as the reuniting took place. People shot video on their iPhones, purchases stopped so buyers could watch, and the couple were in their own bubble of joy. It was so romantic. All of the employees knew their love story. One shared it with me, and it reminded me that I haven’t pursued a date since October. I was resolved to get back on the horse in January. But then Deepak punched me in the gut this morning and I don’t know what to do.
I need your help. I can’t solve a problem with the brain that created it, so I welcome your wisdom, your input, your advice, and most of all your love stories. I want to regain my faith in my happily ever after. So, if you would be so generous, share your love story. Was it love at first sight? Did you seek it out? Should I give up and wait for love to come along? Or do I keep pursuing it even if it means going through traffic because at any moment the jam can open up and it will be open highway? You can post your comments anonymously if you are willing to share, or if you know someone with a great love story, ask them to share it with me. New Years Eve has always been the toughest holiday for me to get through alone and I know your stories will help.
Thank you in advance and happy holidays! Wishing you a fabulous New Year’s kiss…
What kind of Romantic Comedy Girl am I? With all of the scripts I’ve written and all of the movies I’ve seen… I did not think this through. But perhaps there’s a solution and you can help me see it. I say “you” because it’s near impossible to solve a problem with the brain that created it. Here’s what happened.
I haven’t been to the Museum of Natural History since I was a kid, and I have to admit, having seen the movie Night At The Museum, it was a very different experience. Especially, because Larry loves museums so much and was totally into the date. Of course my first comment was about how I hoped he had a throw toy for the T-Rex (if you don’t get that, in the movie when the T-Rex came to life he was like a puppy, so Ben Stiller had to keep throwing him a toy). The next 45 minutes was Larry sharing his expert knowledge on the exhibits while I imagined them coming to life after the museum closed.
Now, the Venus Goddesses 
would probably have given us fascinating conversations and advice, although having been around groups of woman, I’m sure each of the three would have had her own strong opinion making the whole dating situation even more confusing.
There was a lot to see and I discovered that my bones weigh 20 pounds. I don’t know how that will help me in life but I sure looked excited to find out (I’m giving two thumbs up in the picture). I also got to see some very old 
saddles which made the country girl in me happy.
had to read the signs pretty closely to understand what they were doing. Larry and I both misread this sign to say: “ERIKA is working on Caudal Vertebrae from Utah from a sauropod known as Genitale.” We thought they were making a joke and naming their dinosaur genitalia with prehistoric spelling, but upon closer examination we agreed that they named her Natalie and just put a G in front of it to make it prehistoric.
Yes it was a dark balsamic vinaigrette. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think my sweater was doing everything in it’s power to break up with me. Between the vinaigrette stains and 
I didn’t have a date to write about this week, so I thought I’d share a slice of my life with you (in romantic comedy form of course). These are true and accurate events that occurred yesterday on my way back to the states from Canada. Now, because I’m writing this as if I were living a true life Rom Com, I need a female sidekick. In this case, I’d like to introduce you to Lady Bug. She is my travel companion (AKA carry-on) and has been on many adventures with me throughout the United States, Canada, Europe, South America, and Australia. Luckily for me, she doesn’t talk or this would turn into one of those potty-mouthed comedies.
spilled my coffee on you.”
I mean why use the bubble wrap it came in when you can protect it with dirty underwear? This realization had me freeze up. I couldn’t pull out a mug with dirty underwear stuffed in it, so I asked, “Why do you need to see a mug or thermos?” He answered (and might I add he looked like Borat which was making it even harder for me to keep a straight face between his accent and my dirty little secret) “Because we have to test it.” It was then that I remembered that because my dirty underwear was in it, I had packed it in Lady Bug who was now going through the screener, so I quickly moved from tray 3 with my bag to tray 1 with my water bottle and said, “Here it is!” offering him my empty refillable water bottle. He was now getting angry and I was holding up the line. “But this is not a cowfeemoge or termouse! It is a bottle.”
I do yoga, cardio, weights, go to the beach, have sex… oh wait, scratch that last one (can’t remember the last time that happened.. but I know I didn’t sweat).. no sweat. Maybe it’s the Ladies’ Mitchum, but I don’t think so. I just don’t sweat so I ignored the Secret commercials. That was, not until “it” happened…
I woke up on the couch and Edward immediately called to me and apologized for me having to sleep on the couch. I didn’t care, I was perfectly comfortable and so tired that I slept like a log. We had time for breakfast and then I’d be off to the airport.
thoughtfully bought me, read my poem. He was romantic, thoughtful, generous, and affectionate.
I woke up in denial. You see my brain was saying, “This is so nice waking up in a guy’s arms,” but my gut was saying “WTF?!?!? You haven’t woken up in a guy’s arms since your fiancé in 2008, who does this guy think he is to “insta-relationship” you like this? And what’s up with kissing before brushing of the teeth? That doesn’t happen until date 20 when it’s appropriate to wake up in a man’s arms!”
He ordered room service for breakfast and as I sat down to eat in my bathrobe with a full spread in front of me, I wanted to quote Julia Roberts again and grab a lock of my hair and say, “Red,” and have Edward reply, “Better.”
food and adult beverages at your giant sized seat. I loved the theater, and the movie was great, but it made me cry. My gut seized the opportunity to get a good cry out and blame it on the movie. Unable to respond to his question, “What did you take away from the movie?” after telling me his 3 takeaways (which by the way were the same 3 as mine), I excused myself to the bathroom so I could finish my cry and clean up my mascara marks.
We stopped at an incredible restaurant called August to get a little something since our dinner reservation wasn’t until 10pm and I hadn’t had lunch (don’t worry 
enough to bring umbrellas for us as it did rain most of the tour. But that just added to the ambience. We heard all kinds of grotesque stories about brutal and painful deaths and the ghosts that now haunted the buildings because of it. We even stopped at a haunted bar so the group could get Hurricanes and Voodoo drinks. Which brings me to my Tweet-able:
I took a picture of Edward outside of the bar in which you can see his entire body but a light makes it so you can’t see his head. The Pirate Ghost was C-Blocking my date!
“Did you sext with him? Were you dirty Skyping?” My friend Doug asked.
tours, fascinating window dressing, colorful art galleries, music, history, food… We explored a voodoo museum and 
then went to a famous dueling piano bar. He bought me NY Giants beads and told me I had to wear them all weekend. I have never seen a city as committed to a sports team as New Orleans is to their Saints! It was a risk, but the way the Giants have been playing, I figured no one would feel threated. We walked down Bourbon street which was already crawling with drunks in the middle of the afternoon, carrying their open containers. I decided I did not need to come back to this street at night when they were completely wasted and in masses.
were on our honeymoon and as an actress, I had no trouble improving the scene with him.
kidding when she looked at me and told me that she thought I was an underage college student. For that I needed to take a picture with her.
poets he’d read about and had one type up a poem for me. It had the Monkees in it, so I loved it. We listened to a little more music and then, both of us being tired, went back to the hotel to go to sleep.
Have you ever wanted to go visit a new city in a state you’ve never been to? Have you ever agreed to go to that city on a first date with a guy you’ve never met? Well, now I can say I have. I’ve agreed to be flown to a new city that I’ve always wanted to visit, for a weekend with a guy I’ve never met. Crazy? I don’t think so. He’s my close friend’s cousin, and I’ve heard about him since I was a kid. She always looked up to him.
I was on my way back from Georgia, and George had been calling and texting since we met, so I was excited to see him again on my way back home. I stopped off for an overnight at my friend’s and she was thrilled that I was seeing George again. Our date was very similar to the first; soccer, dinner, and shopping. Only this time, the shopping was much better! The first time, as you may recall, 
I’ve been to a lot of second hand stores in Los Angeles, but the clothes are pretty beat up. This place was AWESOME! I couldn’t help myself… I bought a sequin shirt/dress, a brown fringed suede vest, and a fabulous, form fitting sweater that will look 
fabulous on me when I wear it in the cold. (Note: I have not been in the cold since I decided to spend the Millennium New Year in NYC- but who knows, perhaps this sweater will inspire me to take a trip to Colorado this winter).
TVs that verified that this was a sports bar, and the crowd was pretty mellow (probably because the sports were tennis and baseball).
