Date 19 He’s Just Not That Into You: The Conor Chronicles

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.56.06 PMI loved this book and I LOVED this movie. So, the guy in this date will be known as Conor. I will be known as Alex, since I was actually the voice of reason in this scenario and wanted to bail 5 times over the 7 weeks from our first text. My friends will be known as Gigi, the chick who just couldn’t pick up on the cues that Conor just wasn’t that into her.

Conor was my first match on Bumble. He literally had to teach me how to use the app. I didn’t even know how to open a picture (another one who wanted to send pictures- NO!) but the PG ones he sent were fine. Conor is good looking, comes with kids (a plus since I don’t want to physically have any), has a job that keeps him very busy (a super plus because I am super busy and travel a lot which is a turn off to needy guys), just moved into a house that isn’t too far, so I could actually foresee this as being a good match.

Connor liked to text. He would text in the morning. He would text midday. He would text at night. These were primarily checking in, seeing how my day was, and early on ‘schooling me on how to respond to him on Bumble like, “u can say, ‘hey hotstuff anything fun planned for the weekend? That shows interest but isn’t asking for a date but let’s me know you are thinking ahead.” I responded with, “Hey hot stuff, I’m going to Atlanta this weekend for a speaking gig. Hopefully you’re doing something equally fun. You might want to consider asking me out next week…” you get the picture. When I asked him how I did, he said awesome and that I was a fast learner. Yet, he didn’t ask me out, nor did I hear from him for a couple of days because he was unpacking.

GiGi: Hey, he just moved and he is unpacking.

Alex: He’s just not that into you.

Eight days go by of texting. Still hasn’t asked me out but is asking for pictures.

GiGi: He is busy with work and his kids, at least he wants to see pictures of you.

Alex: He’s just not that into you.

So after a few more days, I ask if he’s going to keep asking for pictures or if he’s eventually going to want to see me in person. He asks “what’s ur weekend,” not to be confused with asking me out. I tell him my plans because I’m going out of town. He is driving down past my area and would love to see my smile in person. He’s not sure which day he is driving down, but will keep me posted… he did not keep me posted.

GiGi: Hey, got busy and forgot to respond because he wasn’t coming down until Saturday when you would have been gone.

Alex: He’s just not that into you.

At that point, I gave him my number so we could get off the stupid dating site and my hope was that he would actually use the number to call me because at this point, I was ready to pass on this guy, BUT my friends would not let me. So, we continued on… texting. At least he initiated the first text. And on we went for another week, with no invitation to meet… unless you count when I got out of yoga and he invited me to his house to join him in his hot tub. It was tempting because after two weeks I just wanted to see if this guy even looked like his pictures! But I didn’t go. He had a great sense of humor, which I have failed to mention, so I took the invitation with a grain of salt… you know, meant to be humorous but if I actually took him up on it he wouldn’t complain.

The next week was more texting and getting to know more about him. His hobbies, his love for his kids, some of his issues that come with being divorced and sharing custody, his job… this guy had A LOT on his plate.

Alex: Yes, he does, but a guy who’s into you finds the time to see you.

GiGi: Oh my gosh, stop rushing him! You haven’t even met yet and you’re writing him off!

Alex: Because he’s just not that into you.

The week continued on with him “hearting” me more and more and now he started getting a little more risqué in his texts. No problem. He was feeling me out, seeing if we were compatible physically. With my track record, I’ve only had the full package once: my first love. Every guy since then has either been an amazing emotional partner but more in the friend zone physically, or simply sizzle and no relationship. I know it’s possible to have both and I was starting to think that Conor was the full package.

As week three was coming to an end, he was sending me selfies that were not as good as his profile pics. That had me concerned that this guy may be good on paper, but I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to him. I really wanted to meet him and be sure that the attraction was there and I wasn’t wasting my time. But he wasn’t asking me out! I was ready to write this guy off but GiGi made me stick with it reminding me of all the reasons he was worth it. I begrudgingly stuck it out.

Finally, on Thursday of week four, he suggested we meet on Sunday. I had plans on Sunday, but I wanted to see this guy in person, so I told him to let me know what time because I had plans but would move them around. He responded, “Deal” but did not keep his end of the deal.

Alex: For crying out loud he’s just not that into you!

Sunday morning I was pissed off. When he finally texted that he was on his way home, I realized he hadn’t come back from his out of town speaking engagement yet. I didn’t care, I was pissed that he hadn’t even brought up that we were supposed to see each other. So, I called him out and texted, “Am I finally going to meet you at some point today?” To my surprise he said yes, and that we could meet for lunch after he landed. I had brunch plans, and I didn’t change them, but I said yes, that I’d meet him, but he’d have to eat alone.

And then we met… I was not disappointed. In fact I was so grateful that I had listened to my friends and not the voice of reason in my head. He was smart, funny, a spectacular dresser, I could feel his rock hard arm through his shirt and was glad he hadn’t sent any “towel shots” because at this point I wanted to rip the shirt off… but slow down, it’s just a first date. The conversation was easy, probably because I did most of the talking since he was eating. When we realized what time it was and that his parking meter had run out of time, we walked to the parking lot and he kissed me goodbye. YUP! This guy was the full package!

The next few days I was like a teenage girl… giddy every time his name popped up on my iPhone. If Siri had eyes, he’d have rolled them. I’m sorry. I have a track record of guys that don’t have their lives together… fixer up-ers as those of you who have followed this blog know, so this was exciting!

I saw him again Tuesday for an hour… hey, we ‘busy people’ have to squeeze in time where we can right? Weyyyyellll…

Week six we didn’t see each other, as I expected. I knew he was going to be busy with his kids and I was content now. I didn’t need to see him now that I knew I was attracted to him. This is where our busy lifestyles would compliment each other. That said, my inner Alex was sending up red flags again.

Alex: his behavior has changed. He’s not really texting.

GiGi: He’s busy give him a break!

Alex: So are you but you’re still thinking about him. He’s just not that into you.

GiGi: CHILL you’ve had one real date! This guy has a life.

Alex: Hmpf (that’s a sound not an acronym).

Two days went by.. nothing. So, I texted to make sure he was okay.

Alex: Desperate move. His behavior says it all. He’s just not that into you.

He texted back “Yes, Just crazy. And I had a platonic movie guest last night. I’m sorry so absent. How’s your day?”

Alex: WTF???

I was going out of town, so I pushed my Alex thoughts aside and went about my out of town business for the next two days. We texted, me initiating, when I finally said, “That’s it! This guy is NOT the full package for me… he’s half the package. I am very attracted to him and that is clouding my judgment!”

My best friend told me I was nuts and to give the guy a break… ENOUGH WITH THE GIGIs!!! I refused to text this guy again.

Well it’s been SIX days and neither of us has contacted the other… I am pretty damned sure that HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME… and frankly, I’m no longer into him.

From now on, I’ll listen to my instincts and not my GiGis!

For some lucky girl, he will be her ‘whole package’… but as for me, I’m going to keep looking until I find mine.

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Date 18 The Bad News Bears: Rookie Mistake from Morris

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.56.49 PMMorris didn’t get his movie until after our second date, so let’s go back to the beginning. I was on my third date in one week and while I was looking forward to meeting Morris, I WAS going to yoga. Which meant we had an hour to meet. Hey, if we hit it off, then we could make another date, but now, I just wanted to confirm I was not meeting a dud!

Morris was not a dud. We met at Raw Juce, and had a good laugh over the fact that we each assumed the location (there are two) and each showed up at the opposite one. He jumped in his car and sped to where I was (mine was down the street from my yoga studio, so I was staying put). We had a lot in common in our backgrounds. He also talked about his separation (soon to be divorced), his kids, and his job. Then I had to go. I must say I left with a bit of a spring in my step.

A few days later, Morris was in the neighborhood, so we had a quick impromptu meet up in a park by the water. That’s when things got a little weird. He started grilling me about my Bumble dates. He wanted to know about all of them and my responses. When he learned there were a few guys I had matched with and not responded to he basically shamed me. Ummm… okay dude, I’ll go contact all the other guys vying for my attention while I’m trying to focus on you. I finally changed the subject to his kids. He was taking his son to a baseball tournament that weekend and wanted to know what he, himself, would get if his son hit a homer. His son didn’t sound like much of a hitter, so I promised him a kiss. Later he texted me, “What if he gets two?” We bantered for a little while and then he made a rookie mistake. Out of nowhere he sent me a before and after of his shaven face… only it wasn’t a close up of his face! It was two selfies of himself, in a towel, in his bathroom. What was I supposed to do with that? I couldn’t even respond until the next day, so I could let him down gently and kindly.

He took the rejection politely, and did follow up to let me know that his son, had not in fact, hit any homers.

Note to guys who care: I’m old fashioned. I like to discover what you look like under your clothes for myself… don’t ruin my anticipation with pictures.


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Date 17 The Cutting Edge: Breaking the Ice With Doug Dorsey

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.58.52 PMI was not nervous for my date with Doug Dorsey. He had good pictures and bad pictures, so at this point I was expecting “the bad pictures” to show up. I was pleasantly surprised that the “good pictures” showed up. I was interested in Doug because he plays hockey. Not professionally, but the thought of going to watch a guy check other guys against the boards once a week and scream my head off cheering on my guy’s team, was very appealing to me as a Rangers/Kings fan. Bumble doesn’t give much detail, so that’s all I had to go on. After my last date, I suggested we meet for a drink after work, so I could give him an hour and if I liked him, we could walk down the avenue and if I didn’t I could still make it to yoga.

When Doug showed up he was tall, well dressed, and as I mentioned, looked like his good pictures. I discovered that he liked hockey, had his own business that he was passionate about, and is a country music fan. All subjects I could speak to… which is a good thing, because conversation was not his strong point. Maybe he was tired after a long day on the road. There would be bursts of excitement from him when he saw I could speak about topics he was into. Then there would be a lull.

I felt the tug of my yoga class. I brought up football and again saw a burst of excitement when he realized I could talk “quarterbacks”. But I was trying too hard. Bottom line, I love football, I don’t really watch hockey, and while I love country music, sitting on the beach getting drunk listening to a concert is not my idea of a good time. These topics were not my idea of a foundation for a relationship.

I think the lack of compatibility was mutual and we said a polite goodbye. And yes, I made it to yoga on time… win/win.

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Date 16 Being John Malkovich: Good OLD Craig

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.59.44 PMWhen I first started on Bumble, I decided to expand my age range to 54, and up popped this adorable man. I use the word adorable when a guy’s smile melts my heart. His 4 pictures had a glow about them; he had that “Tim McGraw” thing going on (though he didn’t really look like him). “Craig” and I texted for a day and he made me laugh. I could tell he was very intelligent. And what I really liked was he quickly took it to the phone, we hit it off there, and he asked me out.

Then he planned the date. He told me the time and place. I liked this. A guy who takes charge! Yes, I’d have to miss yoga for a dinner date, but I was so excited about him. So excited in fact, that I actually got nervous for the first time. I always say, “The difference between fear and excitement is perception,” so clearly I had some fear about jumping into the dating pool after being out so long. By the time I arrived at the restaurant, I had absolutely NO appetite. I arrived first, and spotted him when he came in. While he looked like his pictures, his personality didn’t match with the preconception I’d created for him. Don’t get me wrong. Of all the guys I’ve dated, he was by far the most gentlemanly, respectful, and honest about what was happening in the moment and what he wanted. I couldn’t eat so I was just as honest and said that I was nervous, which is unlike me, but it is what it is and it had suppressed my appetite.

He insisted on ordering for me anyway (I had a delicious lunch the next day). The conversation flowed easily, though he kept saying, “I may be to old for you.” When a guy keeps repeating that, it’s like hypnosis, so by the end of the date I was thinking, “He may be too old for me.” As we got up to leave, he said, “I will leave it in your hands. If you want to see me again, let me know.” He walked me to my car, and somehow we got on the topic of movie comedies (probably because my car’s name is Veronica Corningstone).

When asked what my favorite comedy is I told him it is Anchorman. You would have thought I had said the name of a porn film, he was so offended. “That stupid one with Will Ferrell?” Craig asked in shock. “No, the hilarious one with Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell. What’s your favorite comedy?” I asked. His response- Being John Malkovich. And while I appreciated the artistic nature of this film, it was in that moment that I decided I would never see him again. After re-reading this, I swear, I’m not as “Jerry Sienfeld” as I seem… the chemistry was just not there.


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My Two Year Dating Hiatus… Oy!

Screen Shot 2016-06-29 at 10.13.13 AMSee? I did it again. My last date was what two years ago? I go though long dry spells, what can I say? My outlook on dating is that I can go to yoga, or I can go on a date with a stranger whom I’m pretty sure I’m not interested in, and yoga always wins. But my best friend told me about Bumble, a dating app where no men can reach out to me. Perfect! That weeds out all the men out of age range, who are convinced that even though I’m looking for someone within 4 years of my age (either direction), that THEY are the one 79-year-old who is going to change my mind. It also weeds out the 20-somethings looking to bag a cougar. And of course the crazies who write to me and if don’t write back with in 30 seconds they go off on me in the most horrid tirades about me “thinking I’m better than them.” Chill Dude! I hadn’t even looked at my emails yet. So, I went from 3 depressing months on Match, deleting 100 messages a day (kinda like my work inbox- and I DON’T need another job), and not writing back to one person, to Bumble. Now, I only match with guys I could potentially be interested in, and if he agrees, and we match, I still have 24 hours to decide if I want to write to him. Therefore, I went on 3 dates in one week (working them around yoga).

The 4th date, has dragged on for about two months, but you’re going to have to read the first three before I get to the “good stuff.” Oh, I am so tempted to get off this site and go into another year-long dating hiatus, but I won’t. It’s fun to feel giddy about a guy, and one day I trust that giddiness will last… just not with these 4. In keeping with the theme of this blog, I am still using movie titles and character names to protect the privacy of these guys, but the movie titles were chosen after the fact to tie into something that relates to the date. These movies were not chosen by the guys. Heck, they don’t even know about the blog.

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The next night, Bud picked me up to take me to see Jack Brand and the Big Circle Riders. I had a good feeling about Bud, but I still texted my sister all his pertinent information should I “disappear” (You may remember from past blog posts that I don’t let people I don’t know pick me up)…. Obviously I’m still here.

Screen Shot 2014-12-05 at 6.36.34 PMOn the drive down, the conversation flowed easily, but Bud wasn’t able to play me the mixed CD he’d created for the evening. Sound tracks will definitely become a theme as I continue writing about Bud.

It was a dive bar for sure, and the cowgirl waitresses were scantily dressed. I loved it already! Then I introduced myself to Jack and thanked him for the invitation. And I barely remember what happened after that, not because it was so long ago, but because I was seriously crushing on this guy. He was so smart and interesting and hysterically opinionated. I didn’t always agree with him, but I was always entertained by his arguments. Most of them were over the differences between men and women. And of course being a woman I had to disagree, but he’s probably right (don’t tell him I said that). JB was playing classic songs that were unknown to me, but Bud had grown up on. He was singing along and had a great voice (sexy!).

Then he asked me to dance… in typical Jessica form, I started to lead. He grabbed me tightly and said, “Stop, I’m the man, I lead.” I’m not sure how I stopped but I did. I let him whisk me around (sexy!). I had to be up early the next morning so we only stayed for one set.

On the way home he played me each song on the soundtrack explaining the meaning behind each one. Bud is a romantic! As much as he talks about how men are such dogs, he always clarifies that he’s not “most men.”

When we got back to my place I invited him in. Why not? I already knew nothing physical was on the table. He’s a deep guy and very honest so the conversation got deep and honest, about exes, about expectations, about… ending the night without a kiss when it was time for him to go so I could get some sleep. But he did create a great deal of anticipation (sexy!).

Over the next three weeks I would see him ALL but 2 or 3 days… always just talking, always crushing on him harder and harder, and always romantic. One evening we met at the beach so we could watch the sunset together.

I’ll tell you one thing about knowing you can’t have anything physical… it makes you want it that much MORE!!!!

So, I left Los Angeles crazily attracted to this guy, really interested in him on a deeper level as well, but also cautiously aware that he was ending a long-time, long-distance relationship and there would be a mourning period for him. He told me he’d be in touch when he had “managed his business” in a month or so.

I’d be waiting… giddy-up!

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IMG_7292I’ve been holding out on you… but in my defense, I didn’t know if Bud qualified as date #15. I didn’t know if we were dating. But, 3 months later, he wants to know why he isn’t #15. More on that conversation as future blogs fill you in on the details of the last 3 months. Today’s entry is dedicated to our first non-date that turned into a date: “Date” being defined as 2 people who spend time with each other to get to know each other better.” I have to clarify that for future entries.

As a professional speaker, I have organizations that I speak to on a regular basis. One of those organizations I speak at once a year… that’s the rule. My year was coming up, so I sent an email to my contact there, and he replied with, “It must have gotten lost in the “craziness” of your schedule but I closed the physical building, and have taken the training online. It would, however, be terrific to perhaps have a coffee and a chat when you’re in town…if you’re up for it.” There was a bit more to the email, about the webinars he was doing and the education factor. I agreed to coffee, but I have to admit, I was not really excited about the thought of conversation about webinars I could do for him or repurposing my newsletters, but he’d been supportive of me through the years, so I could at least meet him for coffee and see how I could now give back and support him.

Buuuuuuut…. That didn’t happen. I got so busy on my trip that I kept pushing the coffee meeting and pushing it, until I finally told him that if wasn’t going to work out this trip but that I’d be back in July and promised to make him a priority.

July 1st I received an email from him, “Hey Jessica…Now that we’re in July, lemme know if/when, you’ll be in LA.” July 1st! No wonder he was a good business man, clearly he’s more type A than I am, and very on top of things.

I respected his tenacity, so I offered to kick off my trip with him. I’d be in town for three weeks, but I didn’t want him getting pushed off again, so I suggested coffee the morning I arrived.

When I arrived at the CB&TL, (Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf) I was concerned I wouldn’t recognize him. I’d only seen him for about 90 seconds once a year when he’d come out of his office to give me a hug and thank me for coming and then disappear just as quickly. But, I did… recognize him, and even if I hadn’t, he approached me before I realized he was there and gave me a big hug.

Moments later we were on line to order, when he started singing Tim McGraw’s, Live Like You Were Dying. I laughed and said that he must have read my newsletter the day before. He replied that he didn’t get my newsletter, but was curious why I said that. “I saw Tim McGraw last Friday night, and then put that video in my newsletter as part of my topic.” He nodded, now understanding but said, “No, I’m just from Nashville, so I was singing a song.” (insert sound FX of needle scratching to a stop on a record player) Nashville? This guy just got a whole lot more interesting… handsome and country, we’d better start talking business soon…

The minute we sat down it was anything but business. His first question to me was, “This is going to be hypocritical, but I have to ask, you’re beautiful, smart (or was it smart, beautiful? Doesn’t matter)… never been married? Never had kids? Can I ask why?” I particularly dislike this question, as there is an unspoken assumption that there must be something wrong with me, but because he led with “This is going to be hypocritical” I was willing to address it. I told him that I’d been in 3 long-term relationships, one with whom I’d lived with for 7 years which is longer than most Los Angeles marriages last, and that I never wanted kids, though I love being my friends’ kids’ “favorite aunt.” He gave me a half smile, and said that he figured it was that, as he himself never wanted kids and had some long-term relationships, one in particular that he was just coming out of presently and therefore, he is asked the same question often and dislikes it as much as I do.

I had an hour and a half before my hair appointment, and the more he talked, the sexier he became, I mean to the point of “START TALKING ABOUT GREENLIGHT, DUDE BECAUSE I’M HAVING NON-WORK THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU CURRENTLY!!!” But, the conversation about Greenlight never came up. He had me laughing, intrigued, and growing very attracted to him with each passing second. So, when he offered to walk me to my car because he knew I had to get to my appointment, I was totally confused. He hadn’t brought up business. As I got up, he gave me a quick kiss, and I was even more confused. Was he this “friendly” to all of his guest speakers?

The answer to the question on your mind right now is “YES… I am that clueless.” So, he walked me to my car and said that he knew the next three weeks were going to be busy for me, but he hoped that he could see me again at least once. Okay, that makes sense, we hadn’t gotten to business because I had to cut our time short with a hair appointment.

I remembered that one of my Greenlighters was a country singer and was performing. I had wanted to go see him, but not by myself, so I blurted out, “There’s a country band I wanted to see Friday night, if you’re not busy.”

“Friday, as in tomorrow?” he asked. I did the calculating in my head as I’d just flown in from Minnesota and I had no idea what time zone I was in let alone what day it was. When I realized that Friday was indeed ‘tomorrow’, I blushed and completely frazzled said, “Oh, that’s right tomorrow- that’s too soon- oh wait, this isn’t a date- I’m totally misreading this- I’ll shut up now.”

He smiled at me, and said, “You are not misreading this, it was just unexpected, and I’m just getting out of this long relationship, so to be respectful to her and to you, and to be in integrity with myself, I will let you know about tomorrow, just know that at this time, we can’t be physical.” To which I replied, “Forget it then.” And we laughed as he gave me another quick kiss, tucked me into my car, and off I went, wondering “What the heck just happened?” Soon after, I received a text saying he would like to see the country band with me.

That is his introduction, you’ll find out why it was an Urban Cowboy date in the next entry…

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Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 12.48.54 PMLast I wrote, I had left the next step in Peter Parker’s hands.  Since then the only thing he’s been doing is texting a whole lot of dangling carrots.  I am not a horse and therefore I am not motivated by dangling carrots.  Since last Sunday, I have felt like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster… and not the fun kind where you scream with glee… the kind you want to get off of as quickly as possible.  And yet I stayed on, because every time I was about to get off… he pulled out another carrot.  Let me recap so I can get this out of my system and get off the coaster once and for all!

Sunday, April 20:  After planning on telling “Spidey” that I was not an afterthought and therefore did not want to go out with him, I chose to give him a chance as well as exercise my ability to communicate how I was feeling.  So, up up up the first hill of the roller coaster I went… and it was high.  I left that date feeling amazing.

Monday, April 21: Yes, it was in his hands, but I texted him on Monday just before noon, something short and sweet since I hadn’t heard from him. An hour later I heard back and over the course of a few texts, the seeds were planted for our next date.. and by seeds I mean he suggested something and I replied, “you let me know when and where.” After all, that is what we discussed, clarity.  He didn’t respond to my text.

Tuesday, April 22: Down down down the coaster goes as the whole morning and afternoon go by without a word from “Spidey.”  Now, you may be thinking, “Jessica, the guy is busy, give him a break.”  But, I watch for pattern changes, and for the first two weeks before we actually went out, he would write me something sweet to start my day.  I felt myself growing more and more frustrated as the day went by, mainly, because I was restraining myself from reaching out to him.  I have to be myself in a relationship, and if I want to send a thoughtful text or call the guy I’m dating, I should.  And yet, I was more tempted to send a text saying, “This isn’t working for me.”  But I kept having to remind myself that we were just on one date.  Slow down.  So, even when his text came in at 6pm, the roller coaster went up, but it wasn’t a very big hill.

Wednesday, April 23: Up up up… 11:59am, he calls.  I answered and he said, “I know you don’t like getting texts, so I’m calling you.”  See? That melted my heart and showed me that he was listening.  I thanked him and told him how good it made me feel, which was why I answered the phone, AND I have a client call at 12 noon, so can I call him after?  He agreed, though when I did call back,  it went to voice mail. But later that evening we had a long texting session that felt like our “pre-date” getting to know you texts, so I went to sleep happy and woke up….

Thursday, April 24: UP so I texted him “Woke up think about you.. nice way to wake up.”  That started a very sweet text series, filled with mutual admiration. Up up… and in the midst of it, I received a text from him that was CLEARLY NOT MEANT FOR ME.  It was to his sister, personal stuff, that I shouldn’t have seen, but had nothing to do with me technically… “his stuff, his journey.”  The coaster starts one of those side spirals where you’re not sure if you’re going up or down, you’re just going around and around.  He apologized profusely and I told him it was none of my business and that I was going to pretend I never read it.

Now normally, reading something like that would be my exit.  I’d say to myself, this guy is not in the space to be starting a new relationship with someone who is looking for a relationship, and I would have ended it.  But instead, I decided to break that lifelong habit of cut and run, and said to myself, “It’s early, you’re just dating.  Go into this with an open heart because you like him.  You are vulnerable, yes, and that is what will make it so wonderful if it works, and if it doesn’t you’ll get hurt, but you gave it a chance, even when it was scary.

I texted him later that night just so he would know that I was not going to let that “accidental” text be a deterrent for me.

Friday, April 25: Down down down then up then spiral… I didn’t hear from him until 10:30pm.  I was trying not to let it get to me.  I now know his daughter is with him Thursday through Sunday afternoon, but I didn’t know why he hadn’t asked to make a plan to see me after that.  He had told me about his daughter’s sport events that weekend, so by the time he texted to see if I’d taken the late yoga class, I replied yes and asked if he was out of town.  He wasn’t leaving until early the next morning.  He asked me what my plans were for Saturday, and it was actually the first time I had nothing on my calendar for the weekend in a looooong time.  He replied (and I quote) “Sheesh. And I’m out of town. You shoulda come with us.”  Really? REALLY?? What the f*@K kind of thing is that to write?  After the fact, he’s going to say something that he NEVER would have asked me to do had he known beforehand and how about asking me on a date instead of saying what I shoulda done?!?!… I took a while to decide how to respond to that since I was pissed, but finally I settled on the passive “Well you can text me the play by play” to which I got an LOL.

Saturday, April 26: Down down down… up? Yes, I received some texts about the soccer tournament throughout the day.  Later that evening I was getting ready to get off of the coaster, when I got a picture of him. One of those selfies you take in the mirror of the bathroom, when you’re naked, but cut off anything that could get you in trouble if a reporter got their hands on it.  He was showing me his “sunburn.”  (ARE YOU SICK OF THE TEXTING RECAP YET?  BECAUSE LIVING THROUGH IT IS ANNOYING, SO I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE FOR YOU TO HAVE TO READ IT).

So, I commented on the sunburn and nothing else.  Until, it was clearly bugging him that I hadn’t commented on his near naked photo, so he wrote, “Oh and I did crop the photo so as not to offend.”  I was not going to acknowledge his dangling carrot, so I simply replied, “I hope you find some shade tomorrow.”  Two hours later he texted:

S: What’s your plans. I’d like to see you.

ME: When?

S: When ya free?

ME: I think my schedule is more flexible than yours so when are you free?

S: Beginning of the week.  “Maybe” tomorrow afternoon or evening depending on how late the tournament goes.

ME: I’m falling asleep. Sweet dreams. Keep me posted on potential plans.

Sunday, April 27: Up down down. At 10:30 am I received a text about the first win of the day.  We went back and forth for a little while and then he dangled another carrot. After telling me how amazing his daughter was playing he wrote, “Love to have you around sometime.” WOULD YOU? HOW ABOUT YOU START BY ASKING ME ON A DATE????… just sayin’

Monday, April 28: Time to get off the ride!!! It’s 1 pm on Monday and I have not heard from him.  This is not the way to start a relationship, at least not the kind I want, so, I am getting off the ride before it makes me sick to my stomach.

Too bad.  He seemed like a really good match for me.  First time I’d had butterflies in so long.  Ah… well. So goes the journey of dating.  I suppose I could’ve stuck with it, but the roller coaster is affecting my motivation, drive, creativity, and inspiration… can’t let that happen!

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photoFor the last two weeks, like Mary Jane, I’ve been trying to see the elusive Spiderman.  It seems the harder I tried to see him, the more elusive he became… just when I was at the point where I was about to jump off a building to get him to come out of hiding, he appeared.  But let me take you back to where it all began…

Two years ago, I met Peter Parker.  I was drawn to him but through misinformation I was led to believe that he was considerably younger than me, so I chose not to make my feelings know.  Turns out he had a girlfriend at the time so it wouldn’t have mattered.

Five weeks ago, I was at my favorite yoga studio, when I tapped a guy on the shoulder. He was wearing a baseball cap backwards, earbuds blocking out everyone around him and a hint of grey in his facial scruff, so he seemed like a good person to ask, “Have you ever heard of Tony Robbins?” He had, which was a huge relief, because the two twenty-year-olds I was talking to hadn’t and I was feeling OLD!

After class, he waited for me.  Throughout class he’d been trying to figure out how he knew me, and he finally had.  Now that I was actually looking at his face head on, I immediately recognized him too.

Two weeks ago, a work colleague and I had lunch with him, and Peter and I stayed for an extra hour, talking.  He was a very interesting guy.  The next night, we met at yoga and talked for an hour in the parking lot.  He had taken a cross country trip that he wanted to tell me about, so we agreed to get together soon.  I left feeling like a giddy teenager, not a feeling I’d had in a long, long time…

And as the days went by, he would text… and text……. and text……….. I subtly texted back after a week that I don’t like texting, I prefer hearing someone’s voice or even better, seeing him in person.  And that’s when Peter turned into the elusive Spiderman.  He seemed to want to see me, but when I’d try to get a date and time out of him, the subject changed.  The multi-converations in the texts were causing a lot of confusion. At one point he completely blew off a plan we’d made to meet at the yoga studio because he hadn’t realized it was actually a plan.  My own “Spidey senses” were getting suspicious at this point, so I sent him an honest text about how I was feeling and gave him an “out”.  He didn’t take it.  Instead, we made a plan to meet Sunday.  However, his definition of a plan is “a leaf floating in a stream”: wherever it goes, it goes.  My idea of a plan is a “kayak on the rapids”: you know from where you’re leaving and what time, you have the right equipment, pack an emergency kit, and water, and have a life preserver.  I realize, we are going to have to meet in the middle somewhere like a rowboat on a lake sometime in the afternoon.

Bottom line is, come Sunday morning, I had not heard from him, come Sunday afternoon, I had not heard from him.. so I went to see a movie.  When I got out of the movie I heard from him.  He was asking if I was going to suspension yoga.  I replied that I was.  He asked if I wanted to go to the beach after.  I unenthusiastically replied, “Sure.”  I’m quick to see writing on the wall before there’s any ink.

When I showed up to yoga, I had no idea if he was coming.  He did.  So, I spent the first 90 minutes of our first official date with Spiderman, hanging upside-down, and flying through the air on aerial swings.  Suspension yoga is my obsession, so I loved it, and I was glad he enjoyed it as well.

I had loosened up by this point (maybe it was the kiss), slipped into a new sundress and we headed to the beach at sunset.  This is were I go off on a tangent to tell you about my wardrobe malfunction.  It’s a good thing that we had planned an evening at the beach and not a day, because apparently, my sundress was not a dress at all, but a skirt, and therefore would not stay up.  I literally stood up as I got out of his car, and it just came down.  The bushes I was facing got an eyeful.  I pulled it up, but quickly realized it would not stay.  Had it been the day, I would not have brought along a sweatshirt.  I quickly zipped up the sweatshirt and pulled the skirt down over my hips, where apparently it belongs.  I asked Peter if my white sweatshirt was see-through.  He paused, then replied, “I don’t know that I’d tell you if it was, that said, no, it’s not.” (so cute!) Okay back to the date…

Peter and I found two wooden lounge chairs to sit on, facing the tide and we talked.  I voiced my concerns, which really weren’t about the fact that he wasn’t making a solid plan, but why he didn’t want to see me.  I liked him, I wanted to see him, so I had to know why he didn’t feel the same way.  The deeper I dug, it came down to fear.  But as the sky grew darker, the fireflies surrounded us (turns out they were just bugs in the reflection of car headlights), and the chill gave me a good reason to slip onto his chair so he could wrap himself around me to keep me warm, I let down my guard and surrendered, open to seeing where this might go.

We talked for four hours.  By the time we both realized how hungry we were, we also realized that nothing was open at that time of night.  So, he gave me a delicious kiss good night.  Now it’s in his hands…

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To Tell of Not to Tell… That Is The Question!

Screen Shot 2014-02-22 at 11.58.21 AMI have a dilema… it’s my own fault, because I haven’t been completely honest with you.  To be blunt, I’ve been “lying by omission.” I have no idea if you’ve noticed that I have not been on a date since October.  My goal for creating this site was to give me accountability… to get out of my comfort zone and push through bad dates because I had “you” to answer to.  You haven’t gotten on my case, which is fine.  It’s not your responsibility.  But, I’ve been using it as a cop-out.  I figured if you didn’t notice, I could disappear back into my comfort zone (which is definitely where I’ve been for the last 4 months).

I got some amazing coaching from Joanna Garzilli (I’m in her Big Miracle Breakthrough Program). I shared my desire to find a serious relationship, and that I’d broken a commitment to myself (and you, though I didn’t mention my commitment to you) about going on dates.  She asked me a series of questions, and then gave me an assignment to make a list of all of the men who have lied to me/changed into someone they weren’t when we first met.  She also asked me to make a list of the lies I tell myself about dating/relationships. I came up with quite a few “beliefs/lies” about dating/relationships/men…

I also realized I’ve been “lying by omission” to you and to myself.  Out of the 13 people I dated, I had 3 REALLY BAD EXPERIENCES!  Bad enough to make me satisfied with remaining single for the rest of my life (Okay, that’s another lie… but it feels true sometimes).

I lied by omission for two reasons:

1. To protect the guys.  Even though they are anonymous to you, some of them read the blog and I wanted to be kind.  My motto has been, “I only focus on the positive.”

2. BIG LIE: I’m not really doing it to protect them, I’m doing it because if I go off on some of the crazy Sh*T these guys do and say, other guys will be afraid to ask me out for fear I will rip them apart.

So, now it’s time for me to get back to it.  And my question is… “To tell or not to tell?”

Do I share full disclosure, the good, the bad, and the quite possibly insane? Or do I keep the blog an “entertainment piece” and what happens on my dates is for me to use on my blog at my comedic expense, but not at the expense of the guys’ feelings?

As my loyal reader, which do you think serves the bigger purpose?

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