Screen Shot 2014-04-28 at 12.48.54 PMLast I wrote, I had left the next step in Peter Parker’s hands.  Since then the only thing he’s been doing is texting a whole lot of dangling carrots.  I am not a horse and therefore I am not motivated by dangling carrots.  Since last Sunday, I have felt like I’m on an emotional rollercoaster… and not the fun kind where you scream with glee… the kind you want to get off of as quickly as possible.  And yet I stayed on, because every time I was about to get off… he pulled out another carrot.  Let me recap so I can get this out of my system and get off the coaster once and for all!

Sunday, April 20:  After planning on telling “Spidey” that I was not an afterthought and therefore did not want to go out with him, I chose to give him a chance as well as exercise my ability to communicate how I was feeling.  So, up up up the first hill of the roller coaster I went… and it was high.  I left that date feeling amazing.

Monday, April 21: Yes, it was in his hands, but I texted him on Monday just before noon, something short and sweet since I hadn’t heard from him. An hour later I heard back and over the course of a few texts, the seeds were planted for our next date.. and by seeds I mean he suggested something and I replied, “you let me know when and where.” After all, that is what we discussed, clarity.  He didn’t respond to my text.

Tuesday, April 22: Down down down the coaster goes as the whole morning and afternoon go by without a word from “Spidey.”  Now, you may be thinking, “Jessica, the guy is busy, give him a break.”  But, I watch for pattern changes, and for the first two weeks before we actually went out, he would write me something sweet to start my day.  I felt myself growing more and more frustrated as the day went by, mainly, because I was restraining myself from reaching out to him.  I have to be myself in a relationship, and if I want to send a thoughtful text or call the guy I’m dating, I should.  And yet, I was more tempted to send a text saying, “This isn’t working for me.”  But I kept having to remind myself that we were just on one date.  Slow down.  So, even when his text came in at 6pm, the roller coaster went up, but it wasn’t a very big hill.

Wednesday, April 23: Up up up… 11:59am, he calls.  I answered and he said, “I know you don’t like getting texts, so I’m calling you.”  See? That melted my heart and showed me that he was listening.  I thanked him and told him how good it made me feel, which was why I answered the phone, AND I have a client call at 12 noon, so can I call him after?  He agreed, though when I did call back,  it went to voice mail. But later that evening we had a long texting session that felt like our “pre-date” getting to know you texts, so I went to sleep happy and woke up….

Thursday, April 24: UP so I texted him “Woke up think about you.. nice way to wake up.”  That started a very sweet text series, filled with mutual admiration. Up up… and in the midst of it, I received a text from him that was CLEARLY NOT MEANT FOR ME.  It was to his sister, personal stuff, that I shouldn’t have seen, but had nothing to do with me technically… “his stuff, his journey.”  The coaster starts one of those side spirals where you’re not sure if you’re going up or down, you’re just going around and around.  He apologized profusely and I told him it was none of my business and that I was going to pretend I never read it.

Now normally, reading something like that would be my exit.  I’d say to myself, this guy is not in the space to be starting a new relationship with someone who is looking for a relationship, and I would have ended it.  But instead, I decided to break that lifelong habit of cut and run, and said to myself, “It’s early, you’re just dating.  Go into this with an open heart because you like him.  You are vulnerable, yes, and that is what will make it so wonderful if it works, and if it doesn’t you’ll get hurt, but you gave it a chance, even when it was scary.

I texted him later that night just so he would know that I was not going to let that “accidental” text be a deterrent for me.

Friday, April 25: Down down down then up then spiral… I didn’t hear from him until 10:30pm.  I was trying not to let it get to me.  I now know his daughter is with him Thursday through Sunday afternoon, but I didn’t know why he hadn’t asked to make a plan to see me after that.  He had told me about his daughter’s sport events that weekend, so by the time he texted to see if I’d taken the late yoga class, I replied yes and asked if he was out of town.  He wasn’t leaving until early the next morning.  He asked me what my plans were for Saturday, and it was actually the first time I had nothing on my calendar for the weekend in a looooong time.  He replied (and I quote) “Sheesh. And I’m out of town. You shoulda come with us.”  Really? REALLY?? What the f*@K kind of thing is that to write?  After the fact, he’s going to say something that he NEVER would have asked me to do had he known beforehand and how about asking me on a date instead of saying what I shoulda done?!?!… I took a while to decide how to respond to that since I was pissed, but finally I settled on the passive “Well you can text me the play by play” to which I got an LOL.

Saturday, April 26: Down down down… up? Yes, I received some texts about the soccer tournament throughout the day.  Later that evening I was getting ready to get off of the coaster, when I got a picture of him. One of those selfies you take in the mirror of the bathroom, when you’re naked, but cut off anything that could get you in trouble if a reporter got their hands on it.  He was showing me his “sunburn.”  (ARE YOU SICK OF THE TEXTING RECAP YET?  BECAUSE LIVING THROUGH IT IS ANNOYING, SO I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE FOR YOU TO HAVE TO READ IT).

So, I commented on the sunburn and nothing else.  Until, it was clearly bugging him that I hadn’t commented on his near naked photo, so he wrote, “Oh and I did crop the photo so as not to offend.”  I was not going to acknowledge his dangling carrot, so I simply replied, “I hope you find some shade tomorrow.”  Two hours later he texted:

S: What’s your plans. I’d like to see you.

ME: When?

S: When ya free?

ME: I think my schedule is more flexible than yours so when are you free?

S: Beginning of the week.  “Maybe” tomorrow afternoon or evening depending on how late the tournament goes.

ME: I’m falling asleep. Sweet dreams. Keep me posted on potential plans.

Sunday, April 27: Up down down. At 10:30 am I received a text about the first win of the day.  We went back and forth for a little while and then he dangled another carrot. After telling me how amazing his daughter was playing he wrote, “Love to have you around sometime.” WOULD YOU? HOW ABOUT YOU START BY ASKING ME ON A DATE????… just sayin’

Monday, April 28: Time to get off the ride!!! It’s 1 pm on Monday and I have not heard from him.  This is not the way to start a relationship, at least not the kind I want, so, I am getting off the ride before it makes me sick to my stomach.

Too bad.  He seemed like a really good match for me.  First time I’d had butterflies in so long.  Ah… well. So goes the journey of dating.  I suppose I could’ve stuck with it, but the roller coaster is affecting my motivation, drive, creativity, and inspiration… can’t let that happen!

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  1. Sue Painter says:

    Well – that pretty much sucks eggs. 🙁

  2. Heidi Alexandra Pollard says:

    Whoa – that was a roller coaster – seriously who invented texting it gets in the way of real communication!

  3. Jessica you need to get off this ride! Time to find a new man who doesn’t dangle carrots.

  4. Do what feels right and GOOD for you. XOXO, Katherine

  5. Sounds like you showed great patience here. I can totally understand how the vague texting back and forth would get old really fast.

  6. Ellen says:

    Hi Jess…good story, thanks for sharing it. I’m reminded of Maya Angelou’s quote, “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” I’m glad you let this one go…he wasn’t making you a priority. Looks like he was trying to have his ego stroked. Take care. I hope you find HIM!

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