Date 16 Being John Malkovich: Good OLD Craig

Screen Shot 2016-06-28 at 3.59.44 PMWhen I first started on Bumble, I decided to expand my age range to 54, and up popped this adorable man. I use the word adorable when a guy’s smile melts my heart. His 4 pictures had a glow about them; he had that “Tim McGraw” thing going on (though he didn’t really look like him). “Craig” and I texted for a day and he made me laugh. I could tell he was very intelligent. And what I really liked was he quickly took it to the phone, we hit it off there, and he asked me out.

Then he planned the date. He told me the time and place. I liked this. A guy who takes charge! Yes, I’d have to miss yoga for a dinner date, but I was so excited about him. So excited in fact, that I actually got nervous for the first time. I always say, “The difference between fear and excitement is perception,” so clearly I had some fear about jumping into the dating pool after being out so long. By the time I arrived at the restaurant, I had absolutely NO appetite. I arrived first, and spotted him when he came in. While he looked like his pictures, his personality didn’t match with the preconception I’d created for him. Don’t get me wrong. Of all the guys I’ve dated, he was by far the most gentlemanly, respectful, and honest about what was happening in the moment and what he wanted. I couldn’t eat so I was just as honest and said that I was nervous, which is unlike me, but it is what it is and it had suppressed my appetite.

He insisted on ordering for me anyway (I had a delicious lunch the next day). The conversation flowed easily, though he kept saying, “I may be to old for you.” When a guy keeps repeating that, it’s like hypnosis, so by the end of the date I was thinking, “He may be too old for me.” As we got up to leave, he said, “I will leave it in your hands. If you want to see me again, let me know.” He walked me to my car, and somehow we got on the topic of movie comedies (probably because my car’s name is Veronica Corningstone).

When asked what my favorite comedy is I told him it is Anchorman. You would have thought I had said the name of a porn film, he was so offended. “That stupid one with Will Ferrell?” Craig asked in shock. “No, the hilarious one with Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd, and Steve Carell. What’s your favorite comedy?” I asked. His response- Being John Malkovich. And while I appreciated the artistic nature of this film, it was in that moment that I decided I would never see him again. After re-reading this, I swear, I’m not as “Jerry Sienfeld” as I seem… the chemistry was just not there.


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