Stilettos and Diapers AKA The Red Flags of Dating

Screen Shot 2013-06-05 at 11.34.16 AMI admit it, I got sucked in. I forgot all about the drunks and cheaters of Rescue Me and was hoping for a Matthew Casey from Chicago Fire (Ladies, if you’re not watching Chicago Fire… you MUST! click the photo for a link to the Hulu page and get caught up.)

My sister and I had always talked about going over to a firehouse for dinner. We had heard somewhere (probably from a cute fireman) that there is one day of the week where civilians are invited to the firehouse for dinner. We always wanted to go, but never did. So when I got a dating site message from a firefighter wanting to take me on a Paddle Board date, I was all for it. My hope was that things would go well and somewhere down the line there would be a “firehouse date” where I would get the tour, etc.

And then we had our first phone conversation and the red flags started popping up. The first was his obvious cockiness, but I’m always willing to throw that up to “nerves.” Then came the football smack talk. I’m a Giants fan, he’s a Dolphins fan. He said that we would have to make a bet when we played each other. I said that I have no problem with that considering he was a Dolphins fan… smack! He said he was not talking about a money bet, I answered that I didn’t think he was. Then he said, “The girl I bet last year had to wash my car in stilettos and diapers.” (red flag #2)

Now while I do sell Dirty Virgin Diaper Covers which are so cute (but for

Dirty Virgin Lemon Drop Girl Diaper Cover

Dirty Virgin Lemon Drop Girl Diaper Cover

babies) my mind immediately went to, “This guy’s clearly a player, who degrades women and is a total ass,” but instead of letting him know he had completely turned me off, I just smack talked him a little harder and replied, “Really? So her team lost to the Dolphins? What was she a Chiefs fan?” Considering they are pretty much the worst team in football (sorry Robert Yorkie & Craig), he got snippy with me (red flag #3). I was going out of town so I didn’t have time to see him, but before I left…

Red flag #4: I was at a friend’s BBQ for Memorial Day and he had recently met a girl on Match. We got to talking about online dating and I told her the story. She asked, “Is his name ____? And I told her yes! She asked if he was constantly sending me pictures of him and his goddaughter on his paddle board, and I said that he wanted to, but I have a separate phone line for dating and he couldn’t send pictures which he found annoying.  THEN, I realized why, when she pulled up his texts on her phone. He was constantly sending her pictures of him on his paddle board with his godddaughter and videos of him at work putting out fires. I know this is online dating, but having the same “M.O.” with every girl is pretty cheesy.

She totally blew him off and suggested I do the same. Her first husband was a fire fighter and she said that they have too much time on their hands and that leads to doing things with their hands that should not be done when in a committed relationship. There goes my firehouse date 🙁

So, when his his next text came in on Thursday when I awoke saying, “Morning,” I did not want to respond. I couldn’t decide if I should just block him or ignore him.  As the day went by, I felt badly just blowing him off so, I wrote, “Evening, been busy all day preparing for my trip. I leave at 5am.” A minute later I got a text back saying, “We are not a match. Bye”

Perfect! Problem solved. Now I don’t have to be the “bad guy.”

One of the reasons I don’t like talking to guys before a date, is because they usually talk themselves out of dates. I’m 3 for 3 so far. Emailing beforehand doesn’t seem to cause any problems, but people are weird on a first phone call. Besides the firefighter, there was the guy who posted a 15 year old picture, and lied about his age. When I mentioned how many guys do that, he confessed he was one of them, justifying it by saying if he says he’s older than 48, 60-year-old women write to him. Then he went on after we were talking for maybe twenty minutes, to ask my religion, to which I told him and then explained I was not religious, just spiritual. Oh, he said, “I’ve heard rumors about you, are they true?”  I was taken aback, and then thought what could these rumors be? That I am a high-maintainance bitch or perhaps he thinks I have horns? So I said, I don’t know, what have you heard?”

“I’ve heard you don’t swallow. That’s a deal breaker for me.”

RED FLAG!!!!!!!! Seriously? 20 minutes in and THAT’S where you go, buddy? Why are you even bringing up sexual conversations before we’ve had a date?  BLOCKED!!!

Every girl has her own set of red flags. My friend recently had a conversation with a potential date. He was telling her that he was happy that they had a mutual passion for exercise, though he admitted, his was more of a necessity as he has the family “fat gene.”

That was it Red Flag up, my friend… totally disinterested. In a matter of seconds, she went from… possible first date to “If I fall in love with this guy we are going to have obese children.”  (I guess that could be a red flag for a guy, but she cracked me up when she was trying to justify her rationale.)

Bottom line, some say it’s better to find out the red flags before the date so as not to waste my time, but I’ve found out of my 8 guys I’ve dated, I’ve only experienced one red flag. Those are better odds than my phone calls which tells me, I’d rather get to know a guy in person doing something fun.

What do you think? Phone calls first or just go for the date?

 

 

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11 Responses to Stilettos and Diapers AKA The Red Flags of Dating

  1. Sue Painter says:

    I think I’m glad I am married, LOL! But probably – first date in person, not phone.

  2. Gosh I am still reeling from his text “We are not a match. Bye” and the other guy asking about sexual stuff 20 mins in – like Sue having been married for 16 years things have certainly changed in the dating game – scary

    • jsitomer says:

      Clearly a guy who doesn’t like to be kept waiting. There were a few other instances when he wanted my email address to send pictures and I wouldn’t give it to him. That bothered him. personality type: Controlling! Not thanks!

  3. Mitch Tublin says:

    Nancy,
    When you grocery shop you look at the ingredients right?
    Avocado shopping – a little squeeze? Definitely your time
    is worth too much too waste it. Phone first, then decide.
    If he can’t handle a conversation on the phone and sell you
    to a date – seriously?

  4. Mira Dessy says:

    This story makes me so happy I am with my husband and not in the dating market. I guess things have changed over time as this is totally horrible “courting” behavior.

  5. I think phone-screening is a great way to go!

  6. Just imagine if you had wasted an entire evening with “paddleboard fireman” or “you don’t swallow.” Those would be evenings of your life you’d never get back. They’d both have revealed their ickiness eventually. I say: better to have those conversations first. Love, Katherine.

  7. I agree with, Mitch. If they can’t have a decent conversation on the phone and not come off like a complete idiot, then they are not worth your time. Definitely phone first so you can weed out the cuckoo birds.

  8. The Geek says:

    Hey, whatever works.

    I’d LOVE to bypass a phone call and go straight to a date. I think most women prefer not to do that though.

    By the way – diapers and stilettos? Who’d notice the diapers if there was a topless woman washing a car?

    I find, from the guy side, very few women return emails; when they do, most of the emails never go anywhere, meaning, not to a first date OR call. I think what happens is they email back a bunch of guys, then pick the youngest. LOL. (I’ve never lied about my age online).

    If I get a phone call, they almost always meet. Maybe I keep my mouth shut enough on the call 🙂

    Maybe it’s a safety thing for most women, wanting to talk on the phone first to make sure ‘you are real’. J, I get the impression you could hold your own, so that might not occur to you.

    I WILL say I’ve had two really hot women send me their phone numbers on the FIRST email. I stay away from those, which is probably dumb, as I get the impression they are spammers or ‘phone scams’.

    == The Geek ==

    • jsitomer says:

      My first thought was prostitute, I’ve heard some weird stories here in Florida! Stay safe out there Geek!

      • The Geek says:

        Ah – good point! One said she was a restaurant owner. I wonder what was on the menu there?

        == The Geek ==

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